


Moonshine

by Helen8462



Series: Excalibur [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Children-of-the-Storm, F/M, Friendship, Full Circle, Grief/Mourning, My first fic, Relaunch, Sawdust, Unworthy, non-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helen8462/pseuds/Helen8462
Summary: Chakotay returns to Earth to speak with an old friend and hopefully, persuade her. Set between the novels "Unworthy" and "Children of the Storm."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Something I dreamed up while working in my own workshop one evening. This story takes place in between the K. Beyer novels when Janeway was 'dead'. This is the first fanfic I'd ever written (Jan 2017) originally posted to ff.net.

A pink and purple-streaked sky greeted Chakotay as he materialized along an empty road. He had been here once before, a long time ago, and he felt for a moment that he had transported into the past. As his senses adjusted he was momentarily taken aback by the overpowering sweet smell of lilac mixed with pine trees. The warm summer evening in mid-western Pennsylvania greeted him with rolling hills and the song of sparrows returning to their nests.

Chakotay paused a moment to enjoy the serene setting. He breathed deeply then set his sights on a modern cabin situated at the end of the dirt cul-de-sac.

The large workshop door to the side of the main cabin was open and warm light emanated around pieces of unfinished furniture. Chakotay could hear the sound of sawing and someone humming slightly off key. A smile appeared naturally on his face. She was home.

"Helen?" Chakotay asked, a few meters from the door. He didn't want to startle her. She seemed to be engrossed in her work and was now gently sanding a piece of wood on the workbench. He took in her slender form, dressed in well-worn clothes. A colorfully splotched apron hung loosely around her waist and her wavy brown hair was tied back into a sloppy ponytail.

Helen looked up from her work. Her back was to him, but she knew instantly who it was. In fact, if she had been paying attention she could have guessed it was him long before he called her name. She didn't get many visitors and the sound of his footfalls were a unique and cherished memory.

"Chakotay!" She turned easily in her boots, a wide smile on her face. Dusting her hands on her apron, she walked quickly to embrace him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. He took in her scent and the warmth that her mere presence made him feel. She let him go and took a step back. "Hmm…."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Twelve years, and all I get is a 'Hmmm'?" he teased.

"I'm just thinking.  You look different," she pondered with a sly smile.

"I could say the same about you." Chakotay replied. "I don't recall you covered in paint splatter last we met."

"The last time we met, you were in a bit of a hurry as I recall. Off to join your renegades." He hung his head slightly and she suddenly regretted making him feel ashamed. "Ah, what does it matter?" She quickly added with a smile. "In my mind you hadn't aged a day. Turns out my mind was missing something good." She gestured toward a stool next to her workbench. "Can I get you a glass of tea? Full disclosure, it may have some sawdust in it."

"Sounds perfect." Chakotay replied.

Helen reached for the pitcher, wiped out a dusty glass with a cloth and poured. "Thanks." Chakotay said, taking a sip. It had just a hint of alcohol but was cold and went down smooth.

"Fresh out of honey, I'm afraid. The bees went on strike this season. Lucky for us my father's moonshine is still in ample supply. Not too much though….I want to keep my fingers." She motioned to a myriad of sawblades hanging from hooks on the wall. Helen put down her own glass and eyed him up and down again. His clean and sharp uniform looked oddly out of place in her earthy workshop, but dust was quickly settling on him and she decided that he would blend in soon enough.

"But then, I get the feeling you're not just here for refreshment," she eyed him and took a sip of her own drink.

Chakotay glanced uncomfortably at his shoes. "No…though this reunion was long overdue. I'm sorry I didn't make it here sooner."

"You were more than a little occupied Chakotay, I understand."

"Still, I should have made the time."  He motioned to the furniture in various stages of progress. "The business looks good. How is your family?"

"Dad died about…what's it been…9 years?" Helen held up a hand before Chakotay could offer his condolences. "We're keeping things going but it's more of a hobby now than anything else. Tom was called out a while ago. He's retrofitting whatever is left of the fleet at Utopia. Dad gave him the house, but I keep it warm while he's away." She paused. "Enough about me…" She raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'Get on with it already.'

"Right." Chakotay put his glass down. "I'm here to ask for your help."

"Of course. You name it. Bookshelf for your Ready Room? Or perhaps a crib for a little Chakotay?" she said with a mischievous smile.

"No, no nothing like that I'm afraid."

Her expression turned serious. "I figured."

"I know you've…." Chakotay paused to consider his words carefully. "Isolated yourself from the workings of Starfleet." Helen nodded. "But surely you know the basics of the Federation's present situation."

"I live in the country, not under a rock. And I still have many friends in service. They seem determined to keep me apprised whether I want to be or not."

"Then you must know that Starfleet is aching for good officers.  Good captains."

"Go on." She wanted to give him time to speak his peace before she dismissed him out of hand.

"Starfleet needs you."

"I didn't realize you worked for the recruitment office now Chakotay."

"I need you."

Helen sighed heavily. "I'm flattered. Really. But I hung up my pips two years ago." She moved over to the bench, picked up the board she had been sanding and continued her work. She was going to need to be grounded to finish this conversation.

"I know.  I found out when I suggested you for this position. Admiral Montgomery told me to forget about you. That he didn't know where you were and he didn't really care."

"Wow. If this is your idea of buttering me up."

"I implored him. Told him that if anyone was right for this role, if anyone would do it justice, it was you."

She turned to face him again.  "That's an awful lot of faith to put in someone you haven't seen in over a decade.  You never even served with me as a captain, how could you place that much confidence in me?"

"Because I know you. Probably better than most people. I know where you were headed when we parted ways." She shrugged but Chakotay continued, "And, I did my homework. Reviewed your service record, talked with other officers that served under you. I discussed you with the Fleet Commander and a few other admirals, apparently there was a clause in your resignation paperwork. Montgomery eventually agreed to give you the command. If I could reach you, that is."

"Well you found me, but I'm not sure you've reached me Chakotay." Helen put the board down. "I have a life here now. A much simpler one and I'm very happy."

"I can see that, and I don't mean to waste your time. Only to ask you to hear me out." His words hung in the air. Not uncomfortable, just lingering like the scent of the pines which were now disappearing from view with the setting of the sun.

"I owe you that at least I suppose." She conceded. "Tell me more."

There in the workshop, amongst the rough-sawn boards and tools, Chakotay spent the next hour describing the situation. He detailed the return of Voyager and the Full Circle Fleet to the Delta Quadrant in the wake of the devastating Borg attacks. The Federation was crippled and the Alpha Quadrant was still reeling from the loss of 63 billion lives. He explained their ongoing search for the Caeliar and the mission to make the Federation a safe place again by expanding its horizons, alliances and technologies. Helen listened intently, asking few questions. She was being asked to assume command of a Defiant-Class warship with a complement of 45 tactical and engineering specialists, fitted with a cloaking device and a slipstream drive. It would provide additional security and stealth to the fleet. This was a necessary evil, Starfleet's upper echelon had decided, to keep the 7 other ships safe so far from home. It was a command that would have made her mouth water just a few years ago.

When Chakotay was finished he asked apprehensively, "How does it sound to you? Do you have any questions?"

Helen thought for a moment. "No. No questions."

"Then let me ask you one. Maybe I should have started with this and saved my breath." Chakotay shifted in his seat, dusting the tops of his uniform pants. "Why did you resign in the first place?"

Helen looked up at him but didn't respond.

Chakotay continued. "I asked around, I even reviewed your formal resignation. But there was no reason anyone could find."

Helen began softly. "Probably because I never told anyone. Well, actually I told someone but…" For the first time since he arrived Chakotay felt as if he might be intruding on her space. He gave her some time. Finally, resolved to tell him the truth, she spoke. "I made a decision. A command decision. The details aren't important."  Chakotay could sense that she hadn't revisited these thoughts in a while.

"I lost someone because of that decision." She took a deep breath, running her hands through her ponytail, fidgeting with the hairband. "It was the right call. It was the right choice and if I had to make it again, I would. I just never expected it would lead to ending my career."

"Who?" Chakotay probed.

Helen looked up, her eyes met his and he could see a shininess as they began to well with held-back tears. "Sam.  My CMO." She steeled herself. "We had been involved, seriously involved for years. No one knew. We hid it well." She could feel the tears about to fall and turned her back to him once again. "Too well. Six years….and I don't have even a single picture of us together."

Chakotay felt as if his heart had sunk into the pit of his stomach. He knew this feeling of loss all too well. The flames of sorrow from Kathryn's death seared within him as if someone had just poked at the never-cooling ember. It took him a few moments to push his own thoughts aside. "I'm sorry," he offered.

She shook her head, now composed. "It's fine. I mean, it's not fine. But we both knew the risks. Every officer does. I don't need to explain this to you." She paused in recollection. "In the days after his death I found myself just….the uniform didn't fit right anymore. My heart wasn't in it. First contact, life-threatening battles, new interstellar phenomena, none of it held my interest. It all seemed rather pointless." Helen untied her apron and hung it on a hook. "Had I bothered to consult a counselor, they likely would have said I was depressed. The only thing I knew for sure was the danger of an apathetic captain. I didn't want to be a hazard to my crew. They deserved better." She looked up at Chakotay. "I'm fairly sure that you, of all people, can understand that."

Chakotay nodded, recalling his own severe depression in the many months after Kathryn's death and, eventually, his own resignation. He wondered for a brief moment, despite her self-imposed exile, just how much Helen knew about his recent past.

"I took leave to Earth a few weeks later and tendered my resignation. I think I blindsided more than a few people." Helen smiled faintly. "Admiral Paris rejected it at first. At least until I agreed to speak with one of his colleagues." She stood on her toes and reached for a lantern on the shelf. "Take a walk with me? You must be tired of that horrible stool by now." Chakotay nodded, stood and straightened himself.

The clearness of the night sky and a bright, almost full moon made it so that the lantern was practically unnecessary. A few steps later, out of the clearing, the trees began to block the moonlight and he realized why she brought it with them. They walked in silence for a bit; an unexpected cool breeze blew down the path. Helen stepped closer to him and he offered her his arm. He enjoyed simply being near her in the quiet.

"I didn't know her well, by reputation mostly. But after just a few minutes I knew I could trust her."

"The colleague?" Chakotay clarified.

"Yes." Helen handed the lantern to him and bent down to pick up a handful of pebbles. She began gently tossing them down the lane in front of her. They skittered into the darkness and she took his arm again. "Turns out that she had been in my situation once. But she made the decision I couldn't."

"Oh?" Chakotay probed gently. He sensed she needed to get this part off of her chest too - though for his part, he had already heard enough. The similarities between their circumstances were a bit unnerving. He genuinely felt bad for intruding and for suggesting that she would return knowing what he did now.

"Her situation mandated that love had to wait, duty was paramount. Something that she may have regretted at the time, but had made peace with over the years. She said that she and the other officer had agreed, and I quote 'For two people responsible for so many lives, love was too much of a risk.'" Chakotay felt himself swallow hard. His feet came slowly to a stop at words that seemed so familiar.

Helen released his arm. "I told her I respected that she had such an all-consuming sense of duty. But I had no regrets. I performed my job well, I made the call when I had to. And I was certainly thankful for the time Sam and I had together. In return, she confided that her wait had been worth it. Situations had changed and she would be reunited with her love in a few months, when, free from the rigors of command they could finally be together." Helen tossed a few more stones into the darkness then continued walking. "She accepted my resignation. But told me that in all likelihood Starfleet would ask for me to come back. She expected that I would do the right thing."

Somewhere during their stroll, Chakotay wasn't sure when, they had obviously gone around a loop because the cabin with its dimly lit workshop was once again ahead of them. Helen stopped on the stone path leading to the front. She took a deep breath and looked Chakotay square in the eyes. His own pain was now blatantly obvious and she regretted, just a bit, divulging as much as she had.

"Chakotay," she began, taking one of his hands in her own. Her skin was soft and warm surrounding his fingers. "There are very few people in this universe that I trust to steer me well. If anyone else had come here tonight, I would have offered them a drink and sent them on their way." Her eyes met his. "But if you tell me that this is the time. That Starfleet needs me. That…you need me. Then I'll go."

Chakotay paused and considered her words. Then he raised his chin dutifully and took a deep breath. "The Excalibur is docked at Jupiter Station," he said. "Admiral Montgomery requests your presence by 1800 hours tomorrow."

She squeezed his hand and let it go.

"Then tell the Admiral, I'm looking forward to it."

Chakotay nodded, temporarily unable to take pleasure in her decision. The decision he had come for. The one he had just made for her. He turned silently and walked back down the path.

"Chakotay." Helen said, just before he disappeared out of the cabin's glow. "I'm sorry…" He stopped but did not face her.

"Kathryn loved you very much. You deserved more time."

Chakotay blinked hard in the moonlight. Then he tapped his commbadge and disappeared into the twinkling stars.

* * *

It had been a long first day on the USS Excalibur. Captain Helen Andris spent a rather intense fourteen hours meeting her crew, reviewing ship schematics and mending fences with superiors. Now she was looking forward to retiring to her quarters for a moment to clear her head. The doors to her modestly-sized cabin which was attached to an even smaller ready-room, opened. She realized it would take a while to adjust to the cramped size of the warship. All in good time.

Andris dropped her uniform jacket on a chair and moved to the desk. A pile of PADDs waited her attention. Next to them was a simply wrapped package roughly the size of a thin book. A card was placed on top.

Curious, she opened the envelope.

 

=/|=

_Did some digging._

_Be sure to thank Ensign Tobich._

_See you tomorrow._

_–Chakotay_

=/\=

 

 _Tobich, s_ he thought. _Haven't heard that name in a while._

Turning her attention to the package she felt its weight in her hands and then gently opened the wrapping. There, inside a simple wooden frame, was a photograph. It was Sam. He was smiling. The blue-green of his dress uniform accentuated his eyes in just the way she remembered. His arm was draped lightly around her.

A treaty-signing celebration she recalled with fondness. A casual moment. One of many no one ever noticed.

* * *

_**Reviews inspire and are always appreciated.** _

 


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